| Alias |
[17 Oct 2007|03:30pm] |
I wish sometimes I wouldn't reminisce so much,
such things tend to make one reflect and disect situations to an extreme.
Hard now to redeem what was there before, no more,
gone are those days and ways have parted,
gone from feeling solid trust to outsmarted.
Anyway, I'm now moving on to a distance far from yesterday,
it's best this way, I felt as though I've miss this moment of truth.
outcome uneventful, I've lost the ability to heal sentimental,
I can stare at a puddle and see a million places I love.
It comes from thoughts of places I've been,
places I will never see again,
send my love to all who were there wishing I could crawl back in,
but, I've transformed and the pieces wouldn't fit,
so the sore necks will cease.
Eyes searching to the sky to try to find some form some peace,
and I keep pulling up blanks, yet I'm wearing this mask for the sake of others.
we all miss things, I suppose, I must let go, well I'm not ready.
just let me sit in silence and soak in what's trailing down the window,
to cleanse my emotions, to begin the process of preparing myself.
I watch the drops join its friends and become one with the crowd,
relating all too well, forcing me to sigh out loud.
Look into clouds to envision the inside of my head,
I'm turning leaves at this turning point remembering what they said,
as they drove off one by one, they left, taking pieces of me until I felt empty inside.
Already looking forward to that day when I'd be returning,
and I hadn't even left yet.
From then on, I took the inside-out approach.
Your granted lots of time to think when your new position is coach.
and your team is sleeping the whole time,
when it's 2:40 in the morning and you're in the middle of nowhere,
with the buzz of the a.m. radio as the only one that's there.
You think a lot about life, it's where it all began for me,
and the more I thought the more I began to clearly see absolutely every aspect of my life in a new light.
I figured out my rubix cube, well I got it somewhat right.
and things are coming together as I slowly come undone,
and the occurrence known as it is swept under the rug,
and now my burden ways a ton, but it only makes me stronger, and I refuse to break.
I'm letting things pass by for the family's sake.
just give me a picture of the truth, so I can hold it near,
and watch the rain fall, syncopated with one lonesome tear.
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in a pod
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| blogz0rs |
[10 Oct 2007|09:55pm] |
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taking back sunday; "make damn sure" |
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Wow, it's been a while since I've actually written in this thing. Things have changed...A LOT.
I think I'm going to start writing entries regularly again, not for anyone except for myself..it seems like thoughts just keep accumulating and they've got to come out sometime.
So life..
I moved out of the apartment Chris, Tien, and I were living in. Not because of any conflict but I got an offer for cheaper rent and Chris found a house to live in. I now live at 6131 with Joey and Greg..it's been fun so far...messy, but fun. I have a ridiculous schedule once again this semester. I work for Virgin America Airlines and for the House of Blues, school full-time, and in an internship. It honestly just feels like life is flying by and I can't stand it. I'm starting to feel like a legit adult and nothing about that is cool. There is never anytime for surfing, skating, or just hanging with friends. I've also noticed that I'm starting to think like an adult...god, growing up is fucking gay.
I actually think I'm going to leave at it this for right now.
Baby steps.
<3
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3 comments|in a pod
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| life couldn't be better |
[26 Oct 2006|05:52pm] |
everything is falling into place. i really like my new apartment and my new roommates...even though they change my computer desktop to naked dudes when i'm not home and send me text messages that say "balls deep" whenever i have friends over that aren't female...
some time bitter endings are just life's way of opening the door to bigger and better things. i'm so damn happy, i really do miss my dog though.
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1 comment|in a pod
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[13 Sep 2006|12:50am] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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I'm moving out of the apartment I currently live in with Jeff sometime next week. Things are going to be weird....wait, things are weird.
We're going to continue to be friends and I'm still going to come over to walk Lu, which is going to make things even harder. We both need this though, we just hit a fork in the road and it was time to try things on our own.
All my relationships seem to go the same way...things go really well for 2 or 3 years, then we get to a point where we want different things, and after all is said and done we end up as really good friends. I guess I'm lucky to have my ex boyfriends as friends and not as enemies.
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4 comments|in a pod
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[11 Jan 2006|11:15am] |
Three things:
I'm alive and well.
It's Jeff's birthday today.
Sledding owns.
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4 comments|in a pod
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| help |
[13 Jun 2005|05:23pm] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
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As some of you may or may not know, I got my ribs broken back in December by some random kid at a show. After all this time I just now recieved the bill for visiting the emergency room with no health insurance.....and it's not pretty. If anyone of you kind souls would like to help me out with my sweet ass hospital bill it would be greatly appreciated and repaid in vegan cookies, high fives, or tetris matches(in which case I would let you win)
Anything helps.
xo,
Steph
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16 comments|in a pod
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[26 Apr 2005|01:24pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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New York and CT in 2 days, hell yes.
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2 comments|in a pod
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| I'm happy. |
[07 Apr 2005|08:08pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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vitamin x; "see through their lies" |
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Jeff has been so wonderful to me. Last night I came down with the flu and he did everything in his power to make sure I was okay. He would wake me up in the middle of the night to check my temperature, he kept a cold wash cloth on my head, he made sure I took my medicine and kept fluids in my system, he even called his mom and the ER to see what he should do. I couldn't have asked for a better doctor. He's knocked me on my feet, I wasn't really looking for a relationship but I couldn't pass this up and I'm glad I didn't.
We're going to New York in exactly three weeks, I can't wait to see Chrissy and show him all of my favorite places. Other things in my life have been nothing short of weird. Megan has cut me off completely and has an entirely new life of her own. Hopefully I'll still be going to Thailand in June, the people I'm supposed to go with aren't making that big of a deal about it, but I still want to fully go.
Last Sunday Martin and I went to Further Seems Forever at my work, I expected FSF to be a whole lot better than they were. All of the other times I've seen them they were totally sweet and I had high expectations because they have the singer of Sensefield now, holy shit was I wrong...so god damn boring. Either way I had a good time, I got to hang out with Martin. I got to see him and Iano again on Tuesday at Southcoast, two of my favorites never cease to put a smile on my face.
Jeff and I have been on quite a few adventures in the past couple months and I finally got around to uploading them, so I figured I would post them. Disneyland, Magic Mountain, bike rides, the swapmeet, the beach, movie nights, Taco Loco, Wheel of Life, Follow Your Heart, Oxnard Thai, walks on the sand, and tons of sleepovers...Mmmmh chaiwie slurrryyyyyyy.
( i wasn't prepared for this )
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20 comments|in a pod
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[02 Mar 2005|02:37am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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Dear Megan L. Lewis,
Please come home. I no longer have anyone to call in the middle of the night while falling asleep behind the wheel, or anyone who will come over and spend the night at the drop of a hat, or whose house to visit that has scary iguanas that crawl on my face, or to jump on beds with, or to buy books for.
So come back okay?
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11 comments|in a pod
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| He still knows me best. |
[22 Feb 2005|01:34am] |
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mood |
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worried |
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music |
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Isis, the whole celestial album |
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i might implode: hey i want you to be honest with me
i might implode: whats my worst quality
THE PLAN IS GO: oh shit
i might implode: what?
THE PLAN IS GO: iduno. thats a hard question
i might implode: well try to answer goofball
THE PLAN IS GO: you honestly dont really have any that stick out.....
THE PLAN IS GO: i guess........
THE PLAN IS GO: hhhhmmmmmmm
THE PLAN IS GO: i know
i might implode: what what
THE PLAN IS GO: you always brush things off to avoid confrontation... even if it makes you feel bad, or IS bad... you just let things go by without saying anything even if its bothering you. you need to stand up for yourself and the way you feel a little bit more
i might implode: yea, i do do that a lot.
THE PLAN IS GO: and you cant stay awake to save your life
THE PLAN IS GO: hahahaha <3
God damn him for knowing me like the back of his hand. I'm totally guilty of this. I'm always afraid of making a big deal out of something that really isn't a big deal. Phooey.
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3 comments|in a pod
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| 1234 who's punk, what's the score? |
[20 Feb 2005|05:33pm] |
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mood |
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 lazy |
] |
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music |
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Jawbreaker, "Boxcar" |
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So it's been almost a month, I guess I'm due for a quick update..
I'm back in California, broke and chubby.
I've met a boy, he's totally awesome. Hopefully things work out well.
I'm back at work and back in school.
I'm looking into selling my Civic and getting a Golf instead.
I'm finally getting the settlements for both of my car accidents.
and most importantly, I'm going to southeast Asia for a month or so in June.
That's current life in a nutshell. Peas dudes.
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6 comments|in a pod
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[18 Jan 2005|04:04pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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music |
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Lucero |
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I miss the days of having a steady boyfriend, when all I was ever looked at as was someones platonic friend, when there could never be anything more than a friendship. I don't like dating, I don't like having crushes, I dont like having feelings that come and go, and I definitely don't like hurting anyones feelings.
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3 comments|in a pod
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[08 Jan 2005|10:59am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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chrissy and danny watching napoleon in the background |
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I am honestly having the time of my life out here in New York. I'm staying in Carly's apartment while she's back in California and I'm the only semi-white person in the area and on the subway. Sketch. My days usually start somewhere around 3 or 4pm and end around 5am. There are SO many vegan places to eat out here..and the vegan desserts are unreal.
I've already met so many great people while i've been here, from so many different places. I do miss you dudes back home though already, so call me.
I stayed at Chrissy's new place last night and it's awesome, I can't wait to move into here once Carly gets back.
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18 comments|in a pod
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[01 Jan 2005|04:27pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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head automatica |
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HOLY FUCKING SHIT, i had the most insane new years ever.
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1 comment|in a pod
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skateanddestroy's journal
nostalgic
hopeful
indifferent
